


under the streetlights

by itisjosh



Series: technicolour carnival [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I SWEAR IT ISN'T, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Music, Past Child Abuse, Pets, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Rivalry, Sleep Deprivation, Trust Issues, Winter, all of these tags so far make this story look really bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: Techno doesn't want a family.Wilbur doesn't need a family.Tommy's never had a family.Phil manages to make a family.
Relationships: Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: technicolour carnival [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005195
Comments: 570
Kudos: 2998





	1. bloom

The frost bites at his fingertips, making him shiver as he walks out of the foster care centre. He's memorized everything about it. The concrete path has three cracks in the middle of the third segment, and every other segment is fine. Techno shifts uncomfortably in his coat, wishing it was less itchy and scratchy. He knows that it's all from charity money and what some "generous" people send in, so it's bound to be awful. He knows that, but he still wishes it wasn't as bad as it is. He hears a car door slam, wincing at the loudness of it. He watches as a man starts to walk, his face half-covered by a scarf that reaches his chest. Techno feels a pang of jealousy looking at it. The man looks much warmer than he is, and it's not fair at all.

"Well, Techno," the lady puts her arm on his shoulder, and he flinches. Techno moves away from her, gripping himself tighter. No one read his file, clearly. They never do. "Meet Phil," he's never met the lady before. She's new, and probably not going to last very long if she doesn't even read about the kids she's working with. Though, on second thought, she might fit in just fine. The foster care system is _fucked_ , and Techno is well aware of it. "He'll be your new foster father." The man, Phil, stops in front of him, tugging down his scarf. He crouches down to get to eye level with Techno, which is annoying. Whatever. 

"Hi," Phil smiles at him, keeping his hands where Techno can see them. "I'm Phil," he's got an accent. He isn't from around here, Techno assumes. "It's nice to meet you, Techno. Do you have everything you need before we go?" Techno just nods, gripping his small suitcase a little tighter. He knows that he'll be back here eventually, so even if he _had_ left anything, it isn't like it'll be gone for long. His record was three months, and he hated that family. They never respected him and they were so physical and it..it was bad. Techno starts to walk to the car, ignoring Phil and the lady entirely. He knows how this process goes. He's done it for his entire life, it's nothing new. "Is there anything else I should know? I read everything about his history." 

"I don't think so. He's just.." Techno tunes her out, closing the car door softly behind him. He doesn't need to hear that he's a problem child, that he's hard to get along with. That it's difficult for him to make emotional bonds and connections, that every single family has gotten rid of him because he wasn't good enough. He's heard it all before, and Techno's started to hate hearing it. He already knows, he doesn't need to hear it anymore. He stares down at his hands in his lap, nervousness worming its way into his stomach. Phil doesn't seem like a bad person.

Neither did the last family. 

He snaps his head up when he hears a door click, watches as Phil slides into the driver's seat. "Hi, Techno. Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No," he answers. It's probably best to be honest. He doesn't know what punishment lying brings, and he isn't about to test it out. "It isn't a big deal. I can wait." 

"It's alright," Phil says back, softly. His voice is so soft, so calm. That's normally a bad sign. Techno hates that more. When someone sounds so careful and kind, and then they turn out to be a monster. He's learnt to stop trusting voices. "Do you like anything in particular?" 

"Uh.." Techno glances out the window, watching as the lady stalks back into the centre. "I..pancakes?" He offers. It's been a bit since he's had anything that wasn't directly funded by the government. It always tasted like cardboard, and so he got used to it. "I don't mind anythin'. Don't really have a..a preference." It's true enough. 

Phil nods, turning back to face him. Ah. He's already done something wrong, hasn't he? "I'm sorry."

"What?" 

"About your past," Phil tells him, turning back. "No one should have to go through that. Especially not when you're this young." 

Everyone said that before. 

Every single family always said that, and then they ended up doing the same thing. All of them. 

Techno doesn't say anything, he just drags his knees up to his chest, watching as they pass cars and buildings. He's always liked car rides. He likes them less now, but it's still nice. Peaceful, almost. He ignores the awkward silence, counting the snowflakes on the window. Techno closes his eyes for a second, feeling the warmth of the heater start to reach the back seat. God, he's cold. He shrugs off his coat, setting it beside him. He'll warm up. Plus, itching for however long it takes for them to get breakfast just isn't worth it, no matter how cold he is. 

"Here," Techno glances over at Phil, watching as the man sets a scarf and coat on the part between the passenger's seat. "Sorry, I forgot to give these to you when I got out of the car. They're brand new. I hope that they're in your size. If they aren't, I'll return them and get them in your size. You don't have to wear them if you don't want to, since you've already got a coat." Techno reaches out, running his fingers over the interior texture of the coat. He swears he feels his brain short-circuit, closing his eyes as he does it again. It's..unbelievably soft. He takes both of the items, setting the coat in his lap.

"I..thank you."

"Of course. I'm not gonna let you freeze to death," Phil wheezes, and it's almost enough to make him feel safer. Almost. "Alright. We're here," Techno looks out the window, staring up at the house. It's got a balcony and a porch, and it's..it looks nice. It has fenced in backyard, some flowers scattered along the railings of the porch. It looks well-kept. Techno hasn't been to this side of the city in a while. Phil gets out of the car, and Techno quickly slides into his coat, adjusting his scarf. They're in his size. He hops out of the car, grabbing his coat and suitcase as he does. "Do you want me to take that?" Phil asks, standing a decent distance away from him. He gestures to the suitcase and coat, and Techno shakes his head.

"No, I..I've got it," Techno tells him, dragging the suitcase along the snowy ground. He follows Phil up the steps, wincing when he nearly trips over one of the stairs. Phil holds the door open for him, which just makes his anxiety spike. He rushes through the door, immediately turning to look back at Phil. He doesn't like having his back to people, especially not strangers. "Where..where can I put this?" 

"Wherever you want for now," Phil shrugs. "Do you want me to show you your room first, or do you want me to make breakfast," Phil pauses. "Actually. Why don't you just look around the place? Choose whatever room you want to stay in. I'm not overly attached to any of them," he smiles. "You can leave your stuff by the couch. I'm not going to go through any of it. Do you like eggs or bacon?" 

Techno swallows, nervousness building up in his chest. "I..alright," he nods, quickly setting down his suitcase by the couch, throwing off his coat. "I..don't mind either, whatever's easiest." And then he rushes off, making his way to the closest room he can see. He opens the door, closing it behind him. Techno presses himself up against the door, dragging his knees to his chest. He rests his head on the tops of his knees, breathing in. _Fuck_. Techno frowns, glancing behind him. He forgot..he forgot his stupid..

"Techno?" Phil's voice is too close, it's too close, he's in trouble, isn't he? He's already messed up. "Hey. You don't have to come out, but you went in there pretty quickly," he hears Phil shift, hears the ground creak underneath his weight. "I know that you're scared. It's okay," Phil murmurs. "I'd be scared, too. I _am_ scared. I'm scared that I'm gonna fuck this up, and that I'm gonna make you upset. I really..I know it's hard to believe. Especially because of your history. But, Techno..if I can help it, I don't think that I'm going to let you go back into the system. When I first saw you.." he pauses. "I don't know, Techno. My first thoughts were, "wow, that's my son". You seem like such a clever kid, you know? You've got so much potential, you're so smart. You don't need to come out of that room if you don't want to. I just want you to know that I..I care about you."

"Which sounds like I'm lying," Phil sighs. "I get it. I know. I don't expect you to believe me. But I really hope I can earn your trust, Techno. I promise I'm not going to ever hurt you. Some people are just evil. They hurt people, _kids_ , for no fucking reason, and it's disgusting and evil. Half of the time, they don't even get punished for it. I'm trying so hard to get that to stop. I've been working on setting up petitions and going to the police, which doesn't even matter at this point. I don't want you to get hurt again. I don't want any kid to get hurt again. They don't deserve it. You didn't deserve it." 

Techno breathes out, his heart pounding in his chest. "I.." he forces himself to stand up, his hands shaking as he opens the door again. "I want to believe you." Phil looks up at him with the softest smile Techno's ever seen. 

"It'll take time. Trust isn't earned in a minute," Phil pushes himself back up, shoving his hands in his pocket. "You can take as long as you need, Techno. I'm going to keep my promise, even if it takes you years to trust me. Do you want to help me make the pancakes, Techno?" 

Techno stares at him for a bit, glancing at the door to the outside. He feels his breathing start to slow, his heart steadying itself. 

"Yeah," he murmurs. "I'd like that."


	2. heart

After the first month, things become much less tense. 

Techno lounges across the couch, tilting his head when he hears Phil come down the stairs. The T.V isn't even on, mostly because Techno doesn't like anything that's on it. It's all boring and it's always too loud. "Hey, Techno," Phil murmurs, his voice heavy with sleep. Techno smiles a little. He's gotten used to that voice. He's gotten used to Phil. So far, he's kept his promise. Techno knows very well that he shouldn't be so trusting, but it's hard to not be when Phil is so goddamn good to him. "Techno." A flash of anxiety seizes his chest, strangling him for a second. Techno pushes it back down, breathing out slowly. Phil isn't angry. He's just wondering why Techno is up. _Calm down_. 

"Couldn't sleep," he murmurs, swallowing back the panic he feels. "Um, do you..do you think you could..ma- make me some hot chocolate? Or teach me how you do it. I've never been able to do it like you do." Phil gives him an easy smile, _everything_ comes so easily to him, and nods. 

"Of course," Phil shuffles into the kitchen, his strides getting much more controlled by the time he reaches the tiles. "Hey, Techno?" His voice is much softer now. He must have realized his mistake. Of course he did, Phil _always_ does. 

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking," he starts, his voice a little difficult to hear. "I..okay, I'll tell you when I get back out there," Techno frowns, holding his stuffed dog - _Floof_ \- closer to his chest. He rests his head on top of the fake animal's, keeping his eyes shut. He knows that he can do that, he knows that he can keep his eyes shut. Phil isn't going to hurt him. He flinches when he hears the microwave ding, but the anxiety quickly fades away. Techno cracks open an eye, watching as Phil comes into view with two cups in his hands. He sets both of them on the table, sitting down next to him. "Do you want a blanket?" 

Techno nods, reaching out to take a sip. The warmth of the mug warms his hands. He feels the weight of a blanket fall over his shoulders, and he feels himself moving closer to Phil. Phil lets him, he always does, without saying a word. "What did you wanna talk to me about?" Techno asks, feeling a little more tired than he had a couple moments ago. "Phil?"

"I've been thinking about adoption," Phil tells him, looking at him with serious eyes. "Adopting you. I don't think I need to spend anymore time with you to realize that you're my son, Techno. You're my boy." 

Techno blinks. 

"It's..it's only.." he pauses, breathing in. "But it's only been two months. How can you..how can you decide so fast? What if I mess up? What if you s- what if you stop likin' me? What..I.." Phil waits for him to finish. He always does. Techno doesn't say anything more, opting to take another drink of his hot chocolate. 

"I'm not going to stop loving you if you make a mistake," Phil murmurs, and it's unbelievably gentle. "You're my _son_ , Techno. I love you. If you mess up, that's fine. We'll fix it together. Everyone messes up, Techno. I mess up all the time, and it's okay. I'm never going to get mad at you for making a mistake. That would be so fuckin' hypocritical," Phil smiles at him, and it makes him feel like he's going to cry. In the good way. "I love you, Techno. I just want to..I want to make it clear that I do, because _god_ , I love you so much. I never thought I could love anyone this much, and then you came into my life." 

Techno breathes out, feeling his nerves light on fire - in the good way. Everything is in the good way. Techno turns to face Phil, scooting directly in front of him. He falls forwards, resting his head on Phil's chest. The action speaks more than he could ever say, and he hopes that Phil knows it. "I like your last name." Techno murmurs, closing his eyes. He can hear Phil's heartbeat, it's fucking skyrocketing. To be fair, so is his. 

"Yeah?" Phil asks, his voice coming out as a breathy laugh. 

"Yeah," Techno confirms. "I do."

* * *

Techno stares at the dog in front of him, one eyebrow raised. "Hey, Phil?" He glances behind him, watching as his dad, _his dad_ , turns to face him. "There's a dog at the door. It isn't the neighbour's. It doesn't have a collar," Phil makes a noise from the back of his throat, making his way towards the door. "We should keep it." Phil snorts, crouching down in front of the dog. 

"He's not chipped," Phil raises the dog's ear, ruffling the top of its head. "D'ya have an owner, buddy?" Phil asks. Techno watches as the dog just tilts its head, staring at his dad. The dog barks, and Techno pretends like he doesn't flinch from the suddenness of it. "I'll call the shelter and check around to see if anyone lost their dog. But," Phil stands up, patting his leg. The dog wags its tail, trotting inside. "I think we'll let him stay here." 

Techno feels himself grin, closing the door behind him. He sits down, opening his arms. The dog immediately hops into his lap, his tail wagging wildly. "He needs a name, right?"

"We should probably wait until we've got a good idea if he's lost or not," Phil tells him. "Might confuse him if we start calling him something other than what his name is." Techno feels a wave of disappointment, but he understands where his dad is coming from. 

"Okay," he nods, smiling down at the tiny creature. He's so _small_. He's just a white dog with curly fur, and.. _oh_. "Floof?" Techno laughs, looking over at the stuffed dog on the arm of the couch. "Dad? I'm namin' him Floof." 

Phil's laugh comes from the kitchen, echoing for a second. "Okay, Techno."

* * *

"Floof!" Techno laughs, nearly tripping over his dog. "Hi! I missed you, too!" He crouches down, picking up his dog and twirling him around. "Phil! I'm home!" He calls out, letting Floof leap out of his arms. "Dad?" Techno raises an eyebrow at the lack of response, kicking the door shut behind him. He throws his bag onto the couch, tossing off his coat. Floof immediately leaps up onto his backpack, curling up as he rests his head on his paws. "Dad..?" Techno feels himself start to panic, he can feel his heart thundering so loud that he can't e- 

"Techno," Phil's voice is soothing, bringing him down from his spiraling. "Hey. How was school?" Techno watches as his dad wanders down the stairs, his hair wet. He was just taking a shower, he didn't leave. He wouldn't leave, Techno knows that. Doesn't mean it's easy to believe. 

Techno shrugs, smiling as he sits next to Floof, who scrambles onto his lap. "It wasn't bad. How was work?" 

"Not bad," Phil echoes, smiling at him. "How'd your maths test go?" Techno sighs, leaning back on the couch. Floof whines when he stops petting him, but Floof can just be quiet this one time. "Do you think you passed?"

"No," Techno murmurs. "I'm sorry. I really did study, I tried really hard to..to remember everythin'. But, I don't..I don't know why I'm so _stupid_ when it comes to maths. I can do everythin' else just fine, but I.."

"Hey," Phil sits down next to him, keeping Floof between them. "Techno. It's fine. I was shit at maths, too," he laughs, running a hand through his hair. It spikes up, and Techno tries to hide a smile at that. "All that's important is that you tried, and no one can judge you for trying. He lets you retake the tests, right?" He nods, glancing away for a second. "You don't want to retake it?"

"I.." Techno sighs. "What if I do worse?"

"You'll never know unless you try," Phil tells him. "If it's gonna make you stress out, you don't have to. There'll be other tests and quizzes, and it isn't like one bad grade is gonna fail you. Have any homework tonight?" 

Techno feels his nervousness melt away, and he lets his head rest on his dad's shoulder. "Thank you." Phil wraps an arm around his shoulders, loose enough that Techno knows he can get away if he wants to. 

"Of course, Techno. You don't need to thank me. I've got a question for you, actually." Techno pulls back to look at his dad, concern worming its way into his chest.

"Yeah?" 

"How would you feel about me fostering another kid?"


	3. sing

Admittedly, at first, Techno was angry. 

He was angry that he was being replaced, that he was getting thrown out by some newer kid. He was upset that Phil finally had enough of him, that his use was finally over. He was _pissed_. 

And then..then he remembered that he was in the same situation once. Techno remembered that _he_ used to be that kid, that he was all alone and never had a family. That he had gone through the system his entire life, and he was lucky enough to get pulled out of it by the best person on earth. By his dad. His life had never had anything good in it until he met Phil, and he..he can imagine that it might be the same for the other kid. Techno slammed his bedroom door shut and screamed into his pillow, sobbing as Floof nuzzled up against him. He threw a fit. He threw a fit, like a fucking _child_. 

Techno shudders as the cold bites at his ears, shifting closer to his dad. "Phil?" He holds Floof, the stuffed animal, close to his heart. "Do you know what their name is?"

"It's Wilbur," Phil turns to smile down at him, his eyes warmer than ever. "He's a little younger than you, he's about eight. He's been in the system for most of his life. His last family ended up sending him away after an incident. I didn't ask," Phil turns back to look at the centre. Techno feels a weird sense of nostalgia, staring at it. The third segment still has three cracks in it. Nothing has changed, even though it's been the better half a year. Techno didn't realize how messy the foster care system really was from an outsider's perspective. He knew it was shit and rotten to the core on the inside, but watching Phil try _so_ hard to bring Wilbur home as soon as possible..it was awful. Techno wonders how long Phil tried to get him out of there. "Techno?"

Techno glances up at his dad, offering him a smile. "I never thought I'd be an older brother," he laughs, though it's full of nervousness. He knows that Phil would never replace him. He knows that his _dad_ would never get rid of him. His dad is just too good of a person to stop at one kid, Techno knows that. It's hard to believe sometimes, but he knows it, and that's all that matters. So long as he knows it true, it's okay. "Oh, he- he's comin' out now." He feels his nerves shatter for a second, his entire body shaking with.. _excitement_. He bounces on his heels a little, trying his best to keep it hidden. 

He watches as the boy, Wilbur, trudges out of the centre, bags under his eyes. His hair is all messy, and he's wearing a too-big, yellow sweater. Techno watches him drag his suitcase against the ground, and..oh. He's got bandaids. A lot of them. His hands are bandaged, there's a bandaid over his nose. One under his eye. A bit of gauze peeks out under his knuckles, and.. _oh_. _Oh_. Wilbur is like him. Wilbur got..Wilbur got hurt. 

Who the _fuck_ hurt him? 

"Hey, Phil," the man who walks Wilbur out smiles at his dad, keeping his hands firmly in his pockets. "I know you've got experience with cases like these, but..there's some stuff I want to tell you. Just so everything goes smoothly, you know?" The man gives him a lopsided grin, genuinely looking friendly. Techno wonders if he's new. 

"Of course," Phil nods, turning to face Wilbur. "Hi, Wilbur. My car is still running, if you'd like to go in there to warm up." 

Wilbur blinks up at him, looking exhausted. He moves _so_ slowly. Wilbur nods, trudging off to the car. He brushes past Techno, immediately wincing when he does. "I.." Wilbur opens his mouth, turning to stare at him. "Sorry. I didn't, I'm..I'm sorry, really. I didn't.."

"It's okay," Techno tells him, because it is. "Here," he moves to open the door, letting Wilbur get in first. "I'm Techno," he introduces himself, the excitement in his stomach turning to upsetness. "Um, Phil's really nice," he murmurs, closing the door behind him. "He's a..he's a really good person. I think you'll like him a lot. He's..oh, here," Techno sets Floof on the space between them, letting Wilbur decide he wants to take the stuffed animal or not. "I thought that might be nice. Um, I'm sorry, I- I'm never done anythin' like this. He's really the only thing I brought with me when I met Phil." 

Wilbur offers him a tired smile, picking up Floof and setting him in his lap. "You're awfully nervous, you know that?" 

"So are you," Techno counters, immediately feeling bad when he says it. "I'm sorry. I..I went through the same thing," he murmurs, swallowing. "I can help wrap up your hands. They're bandaged all wrong, and it'll hurt more than it should." Wilbur blinks, his hair falling in his face. 

"You got hurt, too, then?"

"All the time," Techno smiles back at him, even if it's strained. "Phil won't do anythin' like that. I promise. He's a really good person, Wilbur. He's..he's probably the best person I've ever met. A- and he'll help you with anythin' you need. He gave me a lot of time, and I..he'll do the same for you, I swear." 

Wilbur closes his eyes, nodding. "He's not going to try to beat me to death in my sleep, is he?" 

Oh. 

That's why he looks so tired. 

The pieces all click together inside of Techno's head, sending a wave of fury throughout his entire body. Wilbur's just a fucking _kid_. Who the hell..who..Techno swallows back his rage, forcing himself to breathe. There's nothing he can do now. He can't erase the memory. He can't go back in time and save Wilbur. But he _can_ start to help now. "He'd never do that," Techno tells him, as softly as he can. "I know it's..I wouldn't have believed me," Techno pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them. "I'm so sorry."

"It happens," Wilbur tells him, easily and sounding so full of light. He's lying, isn't he? He's so good at it. "I'm..I'm scared, Techno. I'm really, really scared."

"I know," Techno does. "Here," he shrugs off his coat, sliding it over to Wilbur. "I know it's a little small, but..it looks warmer than what you've got. I can help with the buttons, if you want. I always have a hard time with 'em." Wilbur laughs, his eyes lighting up for the first time since they've met. 

"I'm bad at buttons, too," Wilbur tells him, wrapping the coat around him. "Does he have a name?" Wilbur gestures down to Floof. 

"Yeah," Techno smiles. "His name is Floof. We've also got a dog named Floof! They look the exact same, and Floof's really fluffy and he really likes people, he's gonna love you. He barks a lot, though. I'll try to get him to calm down."

Wilbur nods, heaving a sigh. "Techno?"

"Yeah, Wilbur?" 

"I..I'm really tired," Wilbur looks up at him, his eyes shining. "I really want to sleep. Do you..you promise nothing will happen to me? He won't..he isn't.."

"He won't," Techno promises. "Phil is a really, really good person. I would..if he wasn't, I wouldn't have let you come in this car with me," he scoots a little closer to Wilbur. "You can lay down on me. I'm probably more comfortable than the seats." Wilbur laughs, shifting to rest his head on Techno's lap. 

"Okay. I believe you. Goodnight, Techno."

"Yeah," Techno smiles, feeling happier than he has in a while. "Goodnight, Wilbur."

* * *

Wilbur wishes he could look at the guitar Phil got him without wanting to throw up. 

He mentioned it once, how he wished that he still had one. It had been a half-truth. Wilbur loves playing, he loves singing. He loves everything about it, but after..after the..after he..

Wilbur closes his eyes, blocking out the memories. They're mostly faded now. He can't remember his foster mother's face or his foster brother's face, thank god. They were the worst, they were the ones..his " _mom_ " was the fucking worst. Wilbur is nearly certain that he still has splinters in his back. He can feel the wood and bits of metal hitting his spine, waking him up in the dead of the night. He didn't even know what he did. Every other time something like that happened, there was always a reason for it. It was always shit reasoning, but he could always _understand_. He forgot to do the dishes. He got a bad grade. He didn't clean his room in time. 

But that time, he..he was just sleeping. He went to bed at his bedtime, he hadn't made any noise so anyone else in the house would wake up. He did exactly what was expected of him, and he _still_ got hurt. And she..she fucking used the..the one thing that he had left. The one thing he managed to carry with him throughout his entire life. His guitar, the stupid-looking guitar with dents in it. It never sounded right, there was always something off about it that he couldn't fix, but it was _his_. Wilbur knows that Phil wouldn't hurt him.

Techno hadn't lied to him about that, and he still hasn't lied about a single thing. 

That doesn't mean it's easy to believe. Phil isn't like that woman, he'll never be like her. Wilbur _knows_ that, he _knows_ it's true. The logical part of him is screaming at him that _it's okay he'll never hurt you you're safe here_ , and the rest of him is tearing him the fuck apart. Wilbur shifts uncomfortably in bed, wishing that he was someone else. He wishes that a lot. That he could be better. It's only inevitable that he'll disappoint Phil, he knows that. That's also true - he's disappointed everyone who's ever met him. No fucking wonder he's been in the system his entire life. Even if Techno says that it wasn't his fault, a part of it was. A part of it will always be his fault. 

God. 

Wilbur stares up at his ceiling, watching the fan whirl around. He looks over at his orca plushie, the one that's right next to Floof. The real Floof is in Techno's room - he always goes to Techno's room. They're both attached to each other, Wilbur's noticed. That stupid orca plushie..he smiles when he looks at it, shaking his head. It was the first thing Phil had gotten for him. Wilbur mentioned that he loved the sea and the ocean and everything about those things, and an hour later, Phil brought him an orca. Wilbur's always liked orcas. He likes their names. He likes how they sound, how they act. He likes the ocean. Maybe he can go there someday. 

He knows he probably won't. Techno is uncomfortable swimming, and he's even more uncomfortable being around large groups of people. Wilbur's the opposite. He doesn't trust anyone he meets, but _god_ , he's lonely. He knows he could easily ask Phil to take him there, to give Techno a day alone with Floof, but..Wilbur knows that Techno would take it the wrong way. To be fair, Wilbur would take it the wrong way, too. It's so hard to believe that someone can care about two people equally, and that they aren't going to get rid of him just because the other is better. 

It would be nice to see the ocean. He's always liked the sound of the waves. Wilbur looks over at his phone, watching his background move. It's just water, and he really, really likes it. He has to keep it away from Techno whenever it's off, just so Techno doesn't get distracted by it. Wilbur still feels bad for the first time it happened. Techno was talking to Phil, and he kept getting distracted by Wilbur's stupid wallpaper, and then Phil raised his voice a little, thinking Techno couldn't hear him, and it...it didn't go well. Wilbur really should change the background. He'll do it in the morning. He might like his wallpaper, but he loves his brother. 

Wilbur winces when he hears his phone buzz, frowning when he looks at the time. It's five in the morning. Well, it isn't like this is late for him. Sleeping is rare, and when it happens, it only happens in short intervals. Thirty minutes of half-sleeping, just so he's constantly aware of everything that's going on around him. He reaches out, sighing at the bright light. 

**[???:]** hey dude what's up 

Wilbur frowns. 

**[me:]** i don't know you, wrong number?

 **[???:]** oh fuck i'm sorry   
**[???:]** this isn't conner then 

**[me:]** it's wilbur 

He watches the dots go up and down for a while, stopping and repeating themselves. 

**[???:]** ok i'm sorry if i woke you up man   
**[???:]** i'm schlatt :)   
**[???:]** i don't actually have a wilbur at my school. do you go to the same school as me? 

Wilbur tilts his head, smiling a little. It's been a while since he's talked to someone other than his dad and brother. He types Schlatt's name into his contacts, giving him the little goat icon. 

**[schlatt:]** wilbur? 

**[me:]** sorry   
**[me:]** i don't go to school yet. i just got into a new foster home

 **[schlatt:]** ohhhh i see i got it  
 **[schlatt:]** well when you do start going, tell your parents to let you go to northeast   
**[schlatt:]** that's where i go. it's a good school, and i can show you around if you go there. we're in the same place, right? it's 5am for me rn

 **[me:]** yeah we have the same timezone. why are you up so early?

 **[schlatt:]** why are you? 

**[me:]** fair enough. i have a hard time sleeping, but you should go to bed. you've got school tomorrow. 

**[schlatt:]** yeah yeah whatever. i see how it is, you're just tryna get rid of me already. and here i thought we were going to get married :(  
 **[schlatt:]** jk jk jk, i'll talk to you tomorrow. maybe we can meet up at some point? just so i know that you're not a 50 year old man trying to sext me   
**[schlatt:]** goodnight wilbur :)

 **[me:]** goodnight schlatt :)

Wilbur laughs, ducking his head as he slides his phone back onto his desk. He rolls over, snuggling his orca closer to his chest. 

He isn't so alone after all. 

Maybe he never was.


	4. guitar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "saline solution" - wilbur soot  
> "no sleep" - caamp
> 
> (i am considering that this is the prequel to [please stop texting me i'm in class])  
> (also i have a twitter and it's @ItIsJoshBro and you should follow me because i post little updates and snippets)

Wilbur is going to throw up. 

He forces himself to breathe, pacing back and forth in the bathroom. Thank god it's locked, he's so fucking..Wilbur closes his eyes, focusing on the weight of his guitar on his back. Phil never questioned why he didn't pick it up for three years. Phil never questioned it, thank god. Phil's always been so _good_ , and Wilbur is so, so thankful. He swallows, feeling his stomach lurch again. He pushes his back against the door, squeezing his eyes shut. It's just Schlatt. Schlatt's his best friend, he has been for the past three years. Ever since Schlatt accidentally messaged him, they've become really, really good friends. 

"Hey, Wilbur? Buddy?" Schlatt's knuckles rap at the door, and Wilbur tries not to gasp. "You all good in there? You said that you wanted to show me something. Hey," Schlatt's voice becomes a lot softer. It always does. Schlatt always manages to figure out when he's scared. He's almost as good at it as Phil is. Wilbur can hear him slide down against the door, his back pressed to Wilbur's. "You're alright. Do you want me to get Phil? I know he went out to the library with Techno, but they'll both come back." 

"I.." Wilbur swallows, feeling his hands starting to shake. He slides his guitar off of his back, letting it rest in his lap. "Just..just give me a minute." 

"Of course." And then Schlatt's quiet, because every time Wilbur asks for a couple minutes, that's what he does. 

Wilbur breathes out, his hands shaking as he moves them above the strings. This was the very thing that was used to hurt him. This is the thing that _hurt_ him. 

_No._

That was a long time ago. 

He's in control now. 

Wilbur moves his fingers across the strings, smiling at the noise. It's been so fucking long. 

"I think this time I'm dying," he whispers, shaking even harder. It's been so long since he's done this. "I'm not melodramatic, I'm just pragmatic beyond any reason for believing I've got fuckin' rabies, or something," Wilbur closes his eyes, feeling his fingers automatically know what to do. Muscle memory has finally paid off. "I think this time I'm dying. I think this time I'm dying. I think I've lost my mind," Wilbur feels the tightness in his chest start to gradually disappear. "Blurring the facts and the fictions, while simultaneously fixing myself up with a girl named Panadol. Bite the tablet, elixir. Disintegrate, mouth's a mixer. I think I've lost my mind," Wilbur sings a little louder, confidence replacing that hollow pit in his chest. "I think I've lost my mind." 

"If I could just break one more night.." he forces himself to stand, his legs nearly giving out underneath of him. "Maybe I could wake up and feel alright," he unlocks the door, letting it open. "My optimistically alarm clock time," Wilbur stares at Schlatt, who only looks back at him. "S- Serves only to mock me, w- with flashing lights," Wilbur chokes on his words, anxiety flooding back to him. "I- I think..I th-"

Schlatt gives him a smile. "Come on, big guy. You've got this." Wilbur barely manages to hear the words over his head screaming at him, but he does. 

"I think I've made my choice, I'm a deceased playing victim, slip the fate, slip the victory. I think I've _made my choice_ ," Wilbur feels his voice shatter, hears the high-pitched whine it comes out as. "Sit secluded in hatred, void of plans friend's are making. I think- I think I've found my voice," he whispers, his hands shaking even harder. "I'm a- I'm a leech-sucking blood bag, taste defeat, it's a sand bag. S- _saline solution_. Saline solution, to all your problems. Saline solution to all- to all your problems. Saline solution..to all..to all your..problems." 

Wilbur breathes out, every single emotion colliding in his head at once, howling at him. Each one of them is trying to fight for his spot, to make him feel something. Schlatt grins at him, his eyes brighter than Wilbur's ever seen them. "Will. I _really_ wanna fuckin' hug you, dude." 

"I- that'd be nice," Wilbur laughs, nearly collapsing into Schlatt's arms. He might be taller than Schlatt, but that doesn't matter, not right now. He feels his legs give out, and Schlatt is right there, helping him to the ground. "I..I did it." 

"You did!" Schlatt murmurs, his voice full of light and happiness and..Wilbur did that. He made his friend _happy_. He did that by _singing_. "God, I'm so fucking proud of you, man. I didn't..I'm so proud of you," Schlatt whispers, sounding like he's close to tears. "Wilbur, you _did_ it. Did it feel good?" Wilbur rests his head against Schlatt's chest, feeling entirely drained of emotion.

"Yeah," he whispers. "Yeah. It did."

* * *

Things get unbelievably better. 

"Happy birthday, Will!" Phil grins, clapping his hands. Techno does the same, moving over to ruffle the top of his head.

"You're old now, nerd!" He teases, his eyes shining. "They grow up so fast."

Wilbur laughs, gently shoving his older brother back. "Oh, says _you_. You're older than I am, and we all know it," Techno just laughs, holding up his hands as a way of "surrender". Wilbur looks over at Schlatt, who grins back at him. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Stop flirtin' at the table." Techno tells Schlatt, who..ah, for fucks sake.

"Oh," Schlatt stands up, grinning like a goddamn madman. "Wiiiilbuuuur Sooooot!" He howls, tilting his head back _way_ too far to be natural. "You're fourteen now! You know what that means, don't you?"

"No!" Wilbur laughs, leaping off of his chair, scrambling back from his best friend. "Dad! Make him stop!" He giggles, racing to get behind the couch.

Phil laughs back, his eyes shining. "Sorry, Wilbur. I've an entire cake in front of me, and I think I'm just going to eat it." 

"What? No!" Wilbur narrows his eyes, watching as Schlatt saunters on over in front of him "Not happening, Schlatt. I'm not letting you kiss me fourteen times. Not until marriage." Schlatt pouts at him, tilting his head to the side with a sad sigh. 

"Not...not until marriage?" He whispers, sounding like the words physically pain him. "Wilbur, I can't wait that long. I'm already so head over heels in love with you..." Schlatt yelps when Techno picks him up by the armpits, holding him above the ground. "Wh- this is assault! Put me down! Now! Techno!" 

Wilbur grins, knowing that he owes Techno one. He stalks back to his seat, swatting at Phil's hand when it lingers a little too close to his cake. "Is Niki coming? I sent her a text a couple days ago, and she said that she would." 

"She's got a surprise," Phil explains, grinning as he leans back in his seat. "Do you want to wait for her, or do you want me to start cutting the cake now?" Wilbur looks over at the door, feeling his heart warm. He connected to Niki just as quickly as he connected to Schlatt. They're both his best friends in the entire world, and he..

"Of course I'll wait," he smiles, feeling his heart melt a little. Niki's the sweetest person he's ever met. Phil is the kindest, Techno is the best brother he could ever ask for. Schlatt's funny and kind and charismatic, _and_ he's the first person Wilbur ever sang for. He hears a knock at the door, in the pattern that Niki always uses, and he jumps back out of his seat, scrambling past Techno and Schlatt. He slides on the tiles, wincing when he nearly hits the wall. "Niki!" Wilbur swings open the door, an-

She has a..

A guitar. 

It's old and rustic looking, with little, tiny indents in the front of it. The neck is just _slightly_ crooked, barely. He barely can notice, but he still can. It's so imperfect and so obviously damaged, but it..

It's like him.

Wilbur feels himself start to tear up, quickly biting down on his tongue to focus on something else other than the emotion he feels. "You..you got me.." he swallows, ducking his head for a second. "It's _perfect_ , Niki."

"Is it?" Niki takes a step closer to him, her posture always unthreatening and open. "I can-" Wilbur moves forwards, resting his head on Niki's shoulder. Phil'll complain about his shit posture later, but right now, he doesn't care. He slouches over as much as he needs to, trying to control how he feels. "Will?"

"Thank you." 

He _feels_ Niki smile, and it's all he needs. "Of course, Will. Do you want to play?" 

"In..in front of.." he breathes out. It's been what, six years, now? "Yeah," Wilbur nods, taking a step back. "I do. I really, really want to do that," Niki hands him the guitar, and he takes a couple of seconds to turn it over in his hands, running his fingers along the rough edges and bumps. "Oh, I saw a shootin' star," Wilbur grins, adrenaline rushing straight to his heart. "Late last night. Yeah, she was pointin' to the west coast, beaming like a streetlight. Got my white denim jacket, and my bolo tie. Snuck past mom and dad, and told my little brothers goodbye," Wilbur taps his foot along to the beat. He's learnt this song a long time ago. "Oh, I hear a motor car, comin' up the coast. You know, I've seen other cities, but I like this one the most." 

Techno starts to clap, and that just spirals into _everyone_ clapping and cheering and it...

It feels _so fucking good_. 

"There's a girl, down in the valley!" Wilbur grins, confidence seeping into his words. "Says that we can take it slow. Or we can push fast forward on it, love success and rock 'n roll. But it gets hard sometimes," he nudges Schlatt with his hip, giggling when Schlatt just winks at him. "Don't I know it? I've been up for a week, I can't get no sleep, I lose my cool! Oh, I saw a shootin' star last night. She's like vanilla ice cream, baby. Milky white," Niki starts to cheer, and she's louder than all of them. Wait, that's..Wilbur feels tears prick at his eyes when he sees Phil crying, watching as he claps and grins at him. "I want to love her all day, and all of the night! I want to love her all day, for the rest of my life. And it gets hard sometimes," Wilbur breathes out, feeling his chest collapse. Phil is happy. Phil is _so happy_. "Don't I know it. I've been up for a week, I can't get no sleep, I lose my cool. And I've been up for a week, I can't get no sleep, I lose my cool!" Wilbur pauses, quietly strumming. "Say what you mean, babe. Come an' tell it to me." 

Schlatt is the first to fucking bear hug him. 

Niki is there second, resting her head on his shoulder from behind, and then Techno is at his side, nearly crushing his ribs with how hard he's hugging him. Then there's Phil, who wraps his arms around all of them, and they're..they're all crying. Of course they're all crying, Wilbur laughs, feeling his heart melt again. "You did so _good_ , Will," his dad murmurs, and it's all he's ever needed to hear. Wilbur pushes past his friends and his brother, opting to rest his head against Phil's chest. "I'm so proud of you."

"I know," Wilbur does. He says it because he _does_ know. He's known since the day Phil brought him home. "Am I allowed to eat cake now, or do I have to pay for that?" Phil bursts into a fit of laughter, wrapping his arms around Wilbur's shoulder. 

"Yeah, Will. Let's eat some cake." 

* * *

Techno got him a "life-sized" orca. Wilbur names him Blue. 

Schlatt somehow managed to smuggle him a fucking road sign, the one that says "SUICIDAL DEER - NEXT ONE MILE" that they had passed a year ago. 

Niki brought him a pastry with the guitar. 

And Phil, in usual dramatic Phil-style, legally became his father. 


	5. bandaids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is set roughly about 3 years before last chapter :)

Phil gently wraps the gauze around Techno's knuckles, careful to make sure he doesn't accidentally press too hard. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asks, making sure to keep his voice even. Techno doesn't pick fights very often, at least, he didn't used to. Ever since Wilbur came into their home, Techno's been coming back with more and more bruises and suspensions. Phil has a decent idea of why, but he'd prefer if his son would just tell him. He knows why he isn't, Techno's scared he'll be angry. Phil understands. It's been, what, three years that he's been with Techno? God, time goes by so fucking fast.

"Someone.." Techno closes his eyes, breathing out. Phil makes himself breathe a little louder, taking slow, deep breaths. Even if he sounds stupid, he knows that Techno picks up on that, and that he'll replicate it. It's easy to keep Techno calm when Phil can be calm, too. "Some tried takin' Wilbur's orca. I know it's dumb, but he was really freakin' out, and I didn't..I didn't want him to be upset, so I just.." Phil nods, letting his son trail off. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Phil murmurs, smiling at him. "You did the right thing. I'm sorry that you got hurt because of it," he taps Techno's palm, breathing in. "You're not in trouble, Techno. Did the kid get in trouble?"

Techno nods, a tiny smile showing up on his face. "Yeah. I broke his stupid nose." Phil laughs, nodding as he stands up, offering a hand to Techno. 

"Did you?" He snorts, leading his son out of the kitchen. He spots Wilbur, curled up on the couch, his head resting on a pillow. Phil barely can see his face, other than his glasses. "Hey, Will?" Wilbur winces at his words, and Phil wishes there was something he could do to console him. He loves Wilbur, _god_ , he loves Wilbur so much. He loves his sons more than anything in the entire world, and there's nothing he wants more for them other than for them to be happy. "It's alright. No one here is in trouble. I'm not mad at all. Do you want to stay home from school tomorrow?" 

Wilbur blinks, his lower lip trembling. He always tends to cry whenever Phil shows him basic human decency. 

Phil wishes that he could fucking murder the woman who hurt him.

He knows all about Wilbur's case, he knows everything about his past. Wilbur's old foster mom was arrested for attempted murder and _nothing else_. None of the abuse was recognised, even though Wilbur very obviously had the scars. His foster siblings had all gone through the same thing, and the only ones who hadn't been hurt were the mother's biological children. Phil remembers feeling nothing but rage the day he was called, a social worker desperately begging him to help. Ever since he took Techno in, he had been contacted relentlessly by social workers and orphanages, asking him to help with "problem kids", those who couldn't stay in a home for more than a month or two at a time. 

Which is all just _bullshit_. 

Sure, there are some kids who are difficult to deal with. But they're fucking _kids_. They've been through some of the worsts things imaginable, and when people stick them in suburban homes with families who just want the extra money and karma points from their fucking friends..of course they're going to lash out. Of course they're going to fight it. Phil knows that he isn't the best person, he's definitely not the best father, he knows that. He's come to terms with it. But he thinks that he's pretty goddamn good at being a decent human being, especially when it comes to kids. Especially when it comes from kids who were _hurt_. 

"I.." Wilbur clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "I- I don't mind, I can.." he breathes out, his chest rising a little too quickly. "M- maybe?" 

"Alright," Phil offers him the warmest smile he can, knowing that it doesn't really do much. "Did you have anything specific that you wanted for dinner?"

Wilbur shakes his head, tugging his blankets closer to him. "N- no, I'm okay with anything. I..actually, um," Wilbur takes a shaky breath. "Could I..could I talk to you, Phil? A- alone?" Techno squeezes his hand before he wanders up to his room, shooting Wilbur a smile before he disappears. Phil sits down next to him, careful to maintain a decent amount of distance between them. 

"What's up, Will?" Wilbur closes his eyes, gripping his orca plushie even closer to his chest. "It's alright if you don't know what you want to say. I'm not gonna b-" Phil feels his heart leap out of his chest when he feels Wilbur barrel into him, sobbing into his shirt. "Hey," Phil wraps an arm around his son, even if Wilbur isn't officially his son. He makes sure he isn't constricting him at all, careful to let Wilbur know he's got an escape. "It's alright. You're okay, Wilbur. You just gotta breathe, okay?" Wilbur sniffles, clutching at Phil's shirt. 

"I'm so _tired_ ," Wilbur whispers in between sobs, his entire body shaking. "I just want to be _normal_."

Phil feels his heart shatter all over again, agony ripping him apart. "I know," he whispers, not entirely sure to say for the second time in his life. "Hey, Wilbur?" He doesn't get a response other than muffled cries. "I love you." 

The sniffling stops for a second before it comes back, ten times worse than before. "But I- but, I, I'm not..I'm nothing..I don't..I'm us- use- useless, I-"

"No," Phil holds his son closer to him, feeling tears trail down his face. "You're not. You mean so much to me, Wilbur. I _love_ you. You're my son, my boy. You mean the world to me and Techno, alright? Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. You're perfect the way you are, Will," he pauses, closing his eyes. "I know you think I'm lying. I know, that's okay. After everything that happened.." Phil breathes out. "But I promise I'm not. I love you, Will. I love you for _you_ , you're..you're so goddamn important and you don't even realise it. I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry I couldn't get there faster."

Wilbur is quiet for a while, his breathing slowly regulating itself again. "I love you, too, d- dad."

Phil holds back a choked cry, holding Wilbur even closer. "It'll be alright. We'll work through it, okay? I promise. Nothing bad is going to happen to you again. Not if I can help it."

* * *

Phil isn't quite sure how he got here in his life, but he isn't going to complain.

"So," he starts, carefully watching Schlatt. He looks nervous. "Wilbur says that you two are good friends." Schlatt nods, an easy grin worming its way onto his face. He still looks nervous, but he's trying to hide it. Phil's managed to pick up on body language a hell of a lot more ever since he brought Techno and Wilbur home. 

"I'd say so," he smiles, leaning back on his chair. "Um..I feel like this isn't.." Schlatt sighs. "Am I in trouble? I don't want to stop hanging out with Wilbur, but if it makes him happier, then I..I can do that. Wilbur's really nice, he's funny and smart and he's really nice," Schlatt laughs. "He gets me in trouble sometimes, 'cause he always makes me laugh in class, but I don't care. Is he doing okay? I know bits and pieces of his, uh, his history, but.." he sighs. "I'm sorry if I fu- if I messed anything up. He's my best friend, I wouldn't try to hurt him. I promise."

Phil offers him a smile, nodding. "Will's been through a _lot_."

"Yeah," Schlatt nods, his own smile becoming a little strained. "I know. If it makes you feel better.." he ducks his head, grinning now. "He's got himself a little army. I don't know how the hell he did it, but there's at _least_ ten kids who would beat the sh- who would beat up someone who even looked at him wrong. Techno and I included. I don't care if I get in trouble for it, it's not like I've never had a suspension before. Wilbur's..I really like him, Phil. Not- not like that," he laughs. "Not like that. But he's my best friend. I don't want anything bad to happen to him." 

"You're a good kid, Schlatt," Phil smiles, reaching out to squeeze Schlatt's shoulder. "I'm glad my son has you in his life. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that. You're not in trouble or anything. Will would be devastated without you. You should come over more often, I'm never opposed to letting you inside, Schlatt." 

Schlatt grins at him, full of life. "I'd like to do that, yeah. He likes music," he breathes out. "I'm sure you know his history and all that with it, but he..he _really_ likes music. Every time we're in music class, he's really immersed and all that, or whatever. I'm not saying to, like, push him, or whatever, but.." Schlatt smiles. "I think he's getting better, you know? Maybe a little shove in the right direction wouldn't be too bad. I wanna see him happy again, Phil. I know he's happyish right now, but it isn't enough. We're all doing our best."

"We are," Phil agrees, standing up. "I'll see what I can do. Thank you for being his friend, Schlatt." Schlatt laughs, nodding. 

"I think we would've found each other eventually. Actually," he pauses, closing his eyes. "There's this girl. Her name is Niki, and I'm pretty sure she's got her eyes on Wilbur. I think she knows that something is hurting him, and she's..she thinks that it's me. Which it isn't!" Schlatt holds up his hands, eyes huge. "I swear, I'd never do something to him. Niki and I, we, uh..we don't get along. At all. But if Wilbur starts to talk to her, I'll..I'll do my best. For Wilbur. It's just what friends do, yeah?" He sighs. "I just wanted to let you know. You're a really good dad, Phil. He's doing a lot better." 

Phil smiles, nodding. "Thank you, Schlatt. Really. Feel free to come over whenever. There's always a spot for you here, alright?" Schlatt grins, nodding. 

"Got it! Alright, see you later!" And then he's gone, scrambling back up to Wilbur's room. 

Phil breathes out, feeling a weight slip off of his shoulders. 

* * *

Phil is happy. 

He's been happy for a long time, but right now, he's _really_ happy. 

Techno is curled up on his left side, his head resting on his shoulder. Wilbur's snuggled up on his right, head resting in his lap. A bowl of popcorn sits on his lap as well, a bit close to Wilbur's head. Phil smiles, closing his eyes for a second. He never really thought that Techno would go for _The Fox and the Hound,_ but he was wrong. Techno has both of his hands bandaged up from punching some kid in the chest after he pushed Wilbur to the ground. Wilbur's hands are _also_ wrapped up, since he punched the kid who started to make fun of Techno for having long hair. 

Phil didn't expect his sons to solve everything by beating the shit out of people, but he's not surprised. 

"Dad?" His heart warms when he hears Wilbur's voice, turning to look down at his son. "Techno's asleep." Phil knows that he isn't. Techno never falls asleep first. He waits for Wilbur to be the first, so he can stay up and protect him. 

"Well," Phil smiles, shifting to wrap an arm around Wilbur's shoulders. "How about we all just sleep out here tonight? Since one of us is already sleeping." 

Wilbur laughs, rolling over to face the back of the couch. He holds his orca plushie to his chest, smiling as he closes his eyes. "Okay. Goodnight, I..thank you," Wilbur murmurs. "I love you, dad." 

"I love you too, Will," Phil hums, already planning to call them both in tomorrow. He's thankful that their principal is so goddamn understanding. "Techno," Phil turns to look down at his other son once Wilbur's breathing slowly evens out. "You could've just asked."

Techno snorts, cracking open an eye. "He'd feel bad. He doesn't like it when people are nice to him. Freaks him out," he sighs, closing his eyes again. "It's the same way for me. Do you..you plan on adoptin' him, right?"

"Of course I do," Phil nods. "I think I knew I was going to the day I met him. I felt the same for you." Techno smiles, relaxing a little. 

"Good. I wouldn't have let you take him away from m- yeah," he murmurs. "Check his ribs tomorrow. He got kicked, and he wouldn't let me tell you-"

"Check his head," Wilbur pipes up. "He hit it when he got pushed down. Okay, goodnight!" 

Techno goes silent. "You heard nothin'." 

"Yep!" Wilbur giggles. "Love you too, Techno." 

"Y- yeah.." Techno closes his eyes, looking embarrassed. "Goodnight, Phil. Love you."

"Love you too, Techno," Phil laughs, letting his sons snuggle closer to him. "Goodnight."

Phil lets himself close his eyes, the movie's audio becoming less and less present. 

Yeah.

He's happy.


	6. mars

Phil leans against the rails of his porch, watching as Wilbur holds up a water gun, pointing it at his brother. "I'll fucking do it, Techno! I'll do it! I'll do- _ah!_ " Techno sprays his own water gun first, hitting Wilbur right in the eye when he does so. "You are _such_ a dickhead!" Wilbur laughs, grinning like a madman when he says it. Techno just grins back, pulling back the trigger once more. Wilbur rushes out of the way, skidding on the wet grass. "Dad, tell him to stop bullying me!" Phil laughs, rolling his eyes when Techno races after him. Wilbur lets out an exaggerated, high-pitched scream before he starts to run again, leaping over the fence to their backyard. " _Dad!_ He's being m- _ah!_ " 

Phil rolls his eyes again, nodding politely at Schlatt and Niki as they walk up the sidewalk together, looking confused. "Techno's tormenting him," Phil explains. "Backyard, there are water guns in the house if you want them," Schlatt's face lights up and then he's rushing inside the house, Niki hot on his heels, yelling at him. Phil can't help but smile, feeling his chest hurt with how happy he is. It's the middle of June, almost July, and it's still raining ridiculously much.

Phil doesn't mind - ever since he moved, he had noticed himself missing the constant rain that living in England brought him. He frowns when he feels his phone buzz in his back pocket, sighing when it continues to buzz. He pulls it out of his pocket, his heart picking up when he sees the name. "It's Phil, what's up?" He answers, tapping his foot anxiously against the ground. 

There's a long, long sigh, one that Phil recognises all too well. "There's a boy," Adam says, his voice low and tired and filled with exhaustion. "His name is Tommy. Ten homes in five months, no one can keep up with him. Phil," his voice breaks on his name. "They're fuckin' begging me to get you to take him. He's fifteen, he's-"

"He's _fifteen?_ " Phil starts to walk back into the house, grabbing his keys off of the hook on the wall. "Adam, what the _fuck?_ You know it's been almost..ten years since I stopped fostering," Phil can't remember quite how long it's actually been, but ten years sounds about right. He found Techno when he was nine, found Will when he was eight. Techno is nearly twenty now, and Wilbur's nineteenth birthday is creeping around the corner faster than Phil thought it would. He remembers being twenty when he first started to foster, he remembers being young and stupid and immature, but it all worked out, thank god. "I can't just.." Phil shakes his head. "You know that as soon as I see him, that determines everything. Schlatt!" He turns his head, calling over to Wilbur's friend. "Tell them that I've.. _fuck._ Adam, give me a second to call you back." 

Schlatt blinks at him, raising his eyebrows. "Dadza, what's up? You're kinda stomping." Phil frowns at the words, trying to adjust his posture to be less angry, to be less surprised. He should know better than to do that, but.. _no_ , he isn't going to make excuses for himself. He should know better. 

"Will, Techno!" He calls, trying his best to mask how he feels. Phil thought he was done fostering, he thought he was _done_. He never minded, but once he actually adopted, he realised that he couldn't foster kids unless he was going to adopt them. He couldn't give them that false hope, so he didn't. Phil watches Techno slink in through the back door, Wilbur fast on his heels. Wilbur's jumper is soaked, and Techno has a handprint of mud on his white button-up. This really isn't the way he expected them to look for this, but whatever. He'll pick and choose his battles. "You need to get cleaned up." 

Techno is the first to frown, clearly picking up on Phil's voice. "You're upset. What's up, Phil?" Wilbur nods, leaning against Techno. 

"You look.." he frowns. "Sad? Angry? A cocktail mixture of both?" Wilbur raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "What's wrong, dad?" Phil breathes out, ducking his head for half a second. Of course his boys noticed, they're both too smart not to. Especially Wilbur, who happens to be the most emotionally in tune person Phil has ever met. 

"I got a call," Phil starts, "from the social worker who called me about you two." 

That's all he has to say before everything erupts, with Wilbur's eyes shooting open, Techno's entire posture stiffening. He looks on edge, protectiveness lining his features. Wilbur stands straighter, holding onto Techno's wrist. "You're kidding me," Schlatt is the first to speak, moving over to stand next to Techno and Wilbur. Niki is right by Wilbur a second later, her eyes huge, her mouth switching between a smile and a frown. "I thought you said you were done." 

"No, no," Techno shakes his head. "You're goin' to help them, right? Even if it's only for a little. You wouldn't have told us if you weren't," he pauses. "What..Phil, why're you tellin' us this? They're waitin', aren't they?" Techno starts to move, grabbing his jacket off of the coat rack. "We need to go pick them up and bring them here, Schlatt and Niki can start movin' things out of the spare room, I can bring down the extra bed and-"

Phil holds up a hand. "I'm going alone. I think it would be best if you all..relaxed," he lets out a breathless laugh, wondering why he ever thought his children would be mad at him for agreeing to take on another case. "His name is Tommy, he's fifteen. He's..I don't know anything about him, other than that everyone is desperate to pawn him off on me." Wilbur nods, tugging Techno back to his side. 

"We'll get everything ready. We'll be lowkey, though," Wilbur promises, a wide grin on his face. His eyes are alight with nervousness and fear, but also excitement and protectiveness. It's the same look Techno had when Phil went to bring Wilbur home. "I promise. Love you, dad."

"I love you too, Will-"

"Love you, Dadza!" Schlatt shouts, already rushing up the stairs to the attic. 

"Yes, we love you, Phil!" Niki beams, shoving Schlatt faster up the stairs, although it really only makes him fall. 

Techno levels him with an easy smile. "Love you, Phil." 

"I love you all," Phil grins, making his way out the door. "Don't set shit on fire while I'm gone," there's a chorus of "no promises", and that's as good as he'll get. Phil quickly unlocks his phone, calling Adam back. He picks up nearly immediately. "Tell me everything about him, Adam," Phil opens his car door, slamming it shut as soon as he's in, sticking the keys in the ignition. "What's his story, where's he from, why did he end up with me?" 

Adam breathes. "He's a problem kid, Phil. Worse than Techno and Wilbur combined, I guess. From what I've heard, no one can deal with him, like, at all. He keeps moving state to state, he's never settled down. He's..he's in my office right now, I had to step out," Phil sighs, chewing on the inside of his cheek to distract himself. "He's good at hiding bruises, Phil." Phil breathes out, tightening his grasp on the wheel.

_God fucking dammit._

"He's loud and brash and hot-headed, apparently. He refuses to talk to me, he won't even.." Adam sighs. "I don't know, Phil. His file is just about how bad of a kid he is, and I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. So, I just.." 

"Called me," Phil mutters. It's the same exact conversation they've had in the past, both with Techno and Wilbur. "Okay. I'm right outside," he parks outside the stupid social building, practically kicking open his door. "You knew that I'd say yes."

And he hangs up, shoving his phone in his pocket as he leaves his car. Phil looks into the window of Adam's office, staring at a kid with dirty blonde hair and tired blue eyes. There are bags under his eyes, a cut on his lip and a bandaid on the side of his cheek. Phil breathes out, looking down at the crack in the third segment of concrete. The sidewalk has never been fixed, and it's so unbelievably obvious. 

Tommy is up and out of his seat a moment later, pushing past Adam, slamming the door open. He has his bag in one hand, and it doesn't look like it's been opened in years. Phil's heart hurts, and as soon as he lays eyes on the boy, he knows. 

Phil knew as soon as he got that call, but know he _really_ knows. Tommy is his son. He's just like Will and Techno, he's just like them. Phil never gave up on them, and he's got no good reason to give up on Tommy. "Hey," Phil smiles, offering him a hand. Tommy doesn't take it, opting to look away. Fair enough, Phil thinks to himself. "I'm Phil." Tommy stares at him, and Phil can pretend like he doesn't notice the black eye he has, even if he feels rage stirring at the bottom of his stomach. Tommy is quiet, turning away. 

"Tommy," he mumbles, barely audible. "My name, it's..Tommy." 

"It's lovely to meet you, Tommy," Phil shoves his hands back in his pockets, beaming at the kid. "Do you have everything that you need?" 

"I don't fucking.." Tommy breathes out, closing his eyes. "Yes, uh..sir..?" 

"You don't have to call me that," Phil feels his heart scream and thrash and hurt. "I'm just Phil, alright? You don't have to call me anything other than my name," Tommy blinks up at him, his eyes shining softly. "I was planning on making dinner at home, but if you'd like anything to eat while we're out, that's alright," he offers. "I'm always up for takeout." 

Tommy stares at him, mistrust in every single one of his features. "I don't..no thank you. I'd just," he sighs, turning away. "I don't want to be here anymore. I'd like to just..get it over with, you know?" The words are like a shot to his heart, but Phil understands. 

"Of course. Let's go home, Tommy." 

* * *

Phil learns about ten things in seven hours. 

One, Tommy is terrified of him.

Two, Tommy is quiet because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing. 

Three, Tommy swears a lot more than anyone else Phil has ever met. 

Four, Tommy has clung onto Wilbur faster than Wilbur clung onto Techno. 

Five, Tommy is loud when he thinks that no one is listening. 

Six, Tommy has primarily lived with rich families who wanted to gain attention for being saints and martyrs. 

Seven, Tommy hasn't opened his bag once. 

Eight, Tommy has asked him if he wants him to do anything nearly three times in the past ten minutes. 

Nine, Tommy is convinced that he's the reason that people get rid of him. 

And ten, Tommy is already his son. 

Phil sits there in silence, watching as _The Fox and the Hound_ flickers. Tommy is sat next to him, looking more and more uncomfortable with every passing minute. "You don't have to stay out here with me if you don't want to," Phil murmurs, looking over at the kid. "Your room is up and ready. If you want to tomorrow, we can start decorating it however you like." Tommy doesn't say anything, opting to stare down at his feet, his arms crossed against his chest. He looks so, so small. 

"I don't.." Tommy breathes in, snapping his jaw shut. They sit in silence for a few moments, which is okay. Phil understands. "How long before you.." he closes his mouth again. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Phil reassures him. "I'm not going to be pawning you back off to someone else, Tommy." He promises, although he knows that his words fall on deaf ears. 

Tommy is quiet. 

"I wish people would stop lying to me."

"Yeah," Phil agrees. "I know. I know you don't believe me, but I'm not lying to you. But trust takes time. You don't have to believe me, Tommy. Actions speak louder than words." 

Another long pause of silence. 

"I don't fucking like how nice you are," Tommy whispers. "It's going to be harder when you get rid of me." 

"I'm not going to get rid of you," Phil murmurs. "I promise." Tommy nods, ducking his head. 

"This movie is stupid."

"We can change it."

"No," Tommy says quickly, sitting a little straighter. "Don't." 

Phil nods. "Alright." 

They sit in silence, and Phil can't help but wish he could do more. 


	7. pluto

Tommy isn't going to fall for this shit again.

He lays in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There are stupid glow in the dark stars on it, and he's never liked them. They're too bright, they hurt his eyes. But Wilbur put them there, and he might as well savour the good things while they last. Tommy closes his eyes, although the neon green light is still visible. He breathes out, feeling his chest rise and fall. He hates it here. He hates everyone in the house, he hates how nice they are. He hates Phil, how he pretends like he isn't going to pawn off Tommy at the first chance he gets. He hates Wilbur for being gentle and sweet, and he hates Techno for being understanding and always making him laugh. 

He hates it all, and he hates himself the most. He hates himself for letting himself get comfortable. Tommy should know better by now, _god_ , he should really know better by now. He opens his eyes again, listening to footsteps from in the living room. He assumes that they're Wilbur's, considering how soft they are. Tommy wishes that he wasn't so stupid, that he hadn't gotten so attached to Wilbur. He knows that he shouldn't, that he should stop, but he _can't_ , and he doesn't fucking know why. It's so stupid, _he's_ so stupid. It's all so fucking stupid, and he hates it. Tommy doesn't understand why he still gives himself hope. 

He should have learned better after the first three times. Tommy shifts uncomfortably, wishing that his blankets weren't as soft as they are. He wishes that everything wasn't as fucking perfect as it is. Part of him wants Phil to start yelling at him, to start using him as his own personal punching bag. That's easier for him to deal with than whatever the fuck this all is. Kindness is not something that Tommy is used to, and he doesn't _want_ to be. Once he starts letting it become familiar, it'll all be ripped away from him. 

Tommy is stupid, but he's not _that_ stupid. He knows how to play it safe, how to avoid getting sentimental about shit like this. He knows how to pretend just well enough so people don't suspect anything from him. It sucks that Phil seems like a much better actor than him. He glances over to the clock on his desk, frowning at the bright letters. _5:04 AM_. Tommy sighs, rolling back over to lay on his back. Everything is weird. Everything is so fucking weird, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. 

Tommy feels his heart jump at the sudden soft knock on his door, cursing under his breath. "Yeah?" He croaks out, wishing that his voice didn't sound so fucking dumb. "What do you want?" 

"To say hello," Wilbur's voice answers his question, soft and aloof. That's the only way Tommy could ever describe Wilbur. "Am I allowed to come in, or do you want me to go fuck off?" Tommy smiles, though he forces it back into a scowl, keeping the laughter from exiting his throat. 

"I don't like you," Tommy announces, rolling out of bed. He opens the door, staring at Wilbur. Wilbur stares back at him, a gentle grin resting on his face. "You're up early."

"I don't sleep much," Wilbur tells him, walking into Tommy's room with ease. "I'm assuming that you don't, either," Tommy looks away, shrugging. "Which is fine," Wilbur shrugs back. "Techno doesn't, either. It's just easier to not deal with them."

 _Them_. Tommy doesn't have to have Wilbur spell it out for him - he means the nightmares. Techno's are the worst, apparently. Wilbur doesn't sleep enough to have them, and when he _does_ sleep, it's because he takes medication to make him not dream. Tommy used to do that, but they didn't ever fucking work, so he just gave up. No point in doing something if it doesn't work, he thought. "I guess," he agrees, sitting back down on his bed. "You never come to talk to me."

"Not at this time, no," Wilbur agrees. "But I figured you were up, so.." he shrugs. "I wanted to say hello. To check in on you," the words fall out of Wilbur's mouth like they're easy to say, and Tommy wonders when he became such a good actor. "Tommy. I know you don't believe me, but-"

"Don't," Tommy raises a hand, flinching when Wilbur snaps his jaw shut. "I don't want to hear it. You're a shit liar, Will." 

"I am," he agrees. "Good thing I'm not lying. Do you want me to go?" 

Tommy doesn't. He wants someone to cling onto, to hold him. To tell him that he'll be okay, that he'll be safe. That he isn't going to get thrown out again, that he'll be _okay_ for the first time in years. Tommy wants something that he'll never be able to have, and he just wants to..he wants to say yes. He wants to say yes so badly, he wants to let Wilbur stay with him.

But he can't get attached. 

"No," Tommy whispers, turning away. "I don't want you here. I hate you." He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling the words sting, though he isn't even the one they're intended for. Wilbur's weight is taken off the bed a moment later, and Tommy can hear footsteps. 

"You're my little brother, Tommy," Wilbur tells him, his voice gentle and soft, two of the things that Tommy doesn't deserve. "I love you. I'm going to sit out in the living room and watch _The Fox and the Hound._ You can join me, if you want. If it gets too hard to be alone. Just.." Wilbur pauses. "Know that all of us will always be here for you. No matter what. I love you, Tommy." 

Tommy listens to the door close as Wilbur leaves. He listens to the remote click, he listens as some stupid show plays for a moment before it goes quiet. He hears the barking of dogs, he listens to the intro song to the stupid fucking movie that makes no sense at all. 

He should lay back down and pretend like he doesn't hear it at all. 

But Tommy is stupid. He's so, so fucking stupid. So he pushes himself out of bed, fear gripping his heart as he walks. He opens his door, trying not to slam it shut behind him. Tommy silently walks to the couch, throwing himself onto it. Tommy doesn't say anything as he drops his head on Wilbur's shoulder, shifting to get comfortable. Wilbur throws a blanket over the both of them, not saying anything, either. He's so grateful for that. 

Tommy watches as the intro credits flash on screen, closing his eyes a moment later. He feels himself start to calm down, feels his head stop spinning. Wilbur's breathing is slow and steady, and Tommy tries to replicate that. 

Tommy keeps his eyes shut, and slowly, he starts to drift off to sleep. He doesn't fight it, he lets it happen. 

That night, the nightmares don't come. 

* * *

Tommy isn't going to stay. 

He can't, not after he let his guard down for too long. He shouldn't have done that, he shouldn't have let Wilbur in. Tommy throws his bag over his shoulder, shoves his phone in his pocket. Phil's wallet is on the coffee table right outside his room, and Tommy grabs enough money for a week of living. He shoves the money in his other pocket, staring at the stairs that lead up to Techno's room, to Wilbur's room.

Phil is the other only person who sleeps on the first floor. Tommy breathes out, feeling his heart stutter and stop again. He starts to move, resting his hand on the doorknob that leads to his freedom. 

Is it freedom?

Tommy shakes his head, biting down on his lip. It's freedom, he doesn't need to think so hard about it. He's old enough to live on his own, and in three more years, he'll have to do it, anyways. Delaying the inevitable is only going to make the pain worse, so Tommy's going to..just rip the bandaid off himself. He opens the door, wincing when it creaks. He closes it as quietly as he can behind him, wishing that it was colder. 

He can deal with the cold better than he's ever been able to deal with the heat. He hates warm weather. It's easier to be cold. Tommy looks behind him, staring at Phil's house for a moment. He stands there, shaking. Tommy snaps out of his stupor, turning away once more. He starts to walk down the road, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. He freezes at the sound of shouting and arguing behind him, feeling his heart race. 

There's no way it's them. There's no way, not already. He was so sure that he had moved far enough, he was- he thought..

Tommy stumbles back, falling into an alleyway. He scrambles to hide himself as best as he can, dragging his knees up to his chest. Tommy can't make out the blurred voices, his ears pounding and ringing and _god everything is too loud-_

"Tommy," there's a voice in front of him, one that's less angry, one that's less loud. "Hey. Hey, Tommy, come on. You're alright, you just gotta focus on your breathin', alright?" Tommy cracks open an eye, staring at..at Techno. "Hey," Techno gives him a tired smile, his hair messy and sticking up in places. "I figured you didn't go far."

"You- you foll- you followed-?" 

"Of course," Techno looks away, looking guilty for half a second. "I didn't want you to get hurt," Techno tells him, staying completely still. "You were tryin' to run, then?" He asks, quirking up an eyebrow. "You wanted to get away from here?" 

Tommy feels waves of guilt crash into him, and he can't fucking suppress the sob that's torn from his throat fast enough. "I'm so fucking _stupid_ ," Tommy sobs, and he doesn't even realise that he's gotten up, that he's thrown himself into Techno's arms. Tommy sobs onto Techno's shoulder, feeling steady arms wrap around him. "I don't fucking know what I was doing, I don't..I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm so scared, I don't.." 

"It'll be alright," Techno murmurs, holding him tightly. "It's always hard, especially at first. I know," he assures him, and Tommy knows that he isn't lying. Techno doesn't lie, he's never lied to him once. He's always honest, he's brutally honest. "But I made it out okay. And so did Wilbur, and so will you. We're all here for you, Tommy," Techno's voice is soft and low and he sounds exhausted but he always sounds exhausted, and- "Tommy. Breathe, Tommy. You're gonna pass out if you're not careful." 

Tommy takes a shaky breath in, keeping his eyes firmly closed. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Techno whispers back. "I'm not mad. None of us will be mad. No one has to know," he tells him. "I won't say anythin' if you don't want me to. We can keep this away from Wilbur and Phil," Techno promises. "I'm not goin' to say anythin' you don't want me to. Not if it'll hurt you." Tommy feels another wave of sobs rack his body at the words, wishing that he wasn't so trusting, wishing that he wasn't so fucking stupid. 

"I want to go home," he whispers, his voice shattering on the word _home_. Is it home? Tommy doesn't have a home. He's never had a home, he never will. "Please. I just want to go back home." 

"Then let's go home," Techno helps him stand, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. They walk in silence until they reach the front door, and Tommy feels his heart rate pick up again. "Hey, Tommy?" 

"Y- yeah?"

Techno smiles at him. "Love you. I'll make you some hot chocolate or somethin', okay? Let's just chill." 

Tommy feels his head spin. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. 

So he says nothing at all, although he wishes he would.

* * *

Tommy winces as Phil presses the cloth to his head again, wiping away the blood. "Did you start the fight?" Phil asks, dabbing away at the scrape. "Or did he?" Tommy looks away, shrugging. "I'm not mad," Phil clarifies. "I was just gonna give you pointers," he laughs, loud and hearty. It makes Tommy want to laugh with him, it makes him want to smile. He bites down on his inner lip, refusing to give into those thoughts. "How're your ribs?" 

"They hurt," Tommy doesn't see the point in lying. "He kicked the shit out of me."

"Ah," Phil sighs. "I'll check to make sure they're not broken," he smiles. Phil turns away for a second, wringing out the cloth, dabbing it in the bowl of water he has next to him. "If you want, give Techno a name, and.." he shrugs. "Everything will be taken care of. Promise." 

Tommy blinks at him, wincing again when the cloth touches his wound. A drop of water trickles down his face, sliding off his chin. "You _want_ Techno to beat someone up?" Phil snorts, wiping away the water with his thumb. 

"Nah," he shrugs again. "I'm just saying. Techno is already on the hunt for whoever hurt you, and it'd probably just be easier for you to tell him names. Or else he's gonna beat up a bunch of high schoolers," Phil grins at him, pushing Tommy's hair out of his face. "Last I saw, Will was on the hunt, too. He can be just as mean as Techno when he wants to be. And his little brother getting hurt makes him pretty pissed, I'd say." Tommy looks away, tapping his fingers on the table. 

"Little brother?"

Phil smiles. "That's what you are. You're my son, and you're Techno and Wilbur's little brother. We'd do anything to make sure you were okay. I'd get arrested if I went to go and kill a bunch of kids, but.." Phil grins. "I'd do it, if you asked me to. Just say the word and I'll burn down the school." Tommy can't hide his grin, so he just lets it happen. 

"Yeah?" He raises an eyebrow, scrunching up his nose as another drop of water slides down his face, going down his eye. "Um, I..I'm sorry. I know that this is-"

"Nah," Phil waves his other hand. "Not a big deal. I've dealt with this everyday of my life," he smiles. "Techno was worse than you. He had a habit of picking fights. Wilbur never really got hurt, but he tended to fight people who were dickheads to Techno." 

Tommy snorts, watching as Phil moves away. "I'm sorry that I'm hard to fuckin'..deal with." Phil turns back to him, leveling him with soft eyes. 

"You're not," Phil smiles. "You're just a kid, Tommy. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with you. You're a good kid, you know that?" Phil sighs. "I love you, Tommy. You're my son. I'd do anything to keep you safe." 

Tommy feels his chest hurt, his eyebrows furrowing. His head spins, and he feels sick to his stomach, but in the good way. 

Maybe he was wrong. 

Maybe, just this one time, he was wrong about everything. 

Maybe he's finally, finally found a place that he can call home.

Maybe this is home. 


	8. security

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (takes place after "boys will be bugs" :D)

There's something so tiring about having to carry an entire stack of books around school for nearly eight hours. Tommy trudges along the hallway, sporting his bandaged hands with as much pride as he can, pretending like he only has wraps for the aesthetic, and not because of his split knuckles. Tommy thinks that Techno and Wilbur were being over dramatic when they forced him to get his hands taken care of, but whatever. Tommy isn't going to protest against any help he's given, no matter how much he hates being in debt to them. He spots Tubbo up ahead, making wild hand gestures, grinning with his entire face. As soon as Tubbo turns his head, it seems like he's spotted him, his eyes going huge and all sparkly. Tommy can't help but feel his chest hurt at how genuine his friend looks, wondering what he did to deserve someone like Tubbo in his life.

Tommy doesn't know how he got here, really. He doesn't understand how he managed to get so fucking lucky. First, he got thrown off to Phil and Wilbur and Techno, and _now_ he's gotten himself Tubbo? Tommy doesn't understand, but he doesn't plan on complaining about it. He doesn't want to jinx anything, and with how shit his luck has been in the past, he's not going to risk it. "Tommy!" Tubbo grins at him, moving away from the people he was talking to without even saying goodbye, moving to stand right next to him. "How're you? I was wondering if you were going to even come to lunch today." Tommy laughs, looking away. He didn't want to, but he knew that he had to. Tubbo probably would have ditched him if he-

No, Tommy thinks, no. Tubbo is far too kind and caring and nice to ditch him. Tubbo would never abandon him. No matter how much of a dick Tommy is to him, Tubbo still hasn't gone anywhere. He laughs at all of Tommy's jokes, he teases him and banters back with him. It's just..easy. Tubbo makes it easy, it makes it so unbelievably easy, and Tommy still doesn't understand why he hasn't left yet. He doesn't understand why Phil and Techno and Wilbur haven't left yet. He doesn't understand why everyone has stuck with him for this long, for arguably the better half of a year. Has it been that long? Tommy blinks as he walks towards the doors that lead outside of his school, frowning to himself. This is the longest he's ever been in one house. This is the longest he's been with the same group of people. He hopes to god that it lasts forever. Tommy wants nothing more than to stay with them, than to stay with Phil and Wilbur and Techno and Tubbo.

"Of course I'd come," Tommy clears his throat, shaking his head to clear his mind of those thoughts. The more he thinks about it, the worse it'll be when Phil eventually gets rid of him. Tommy has to remember that, he has to keep that in his head constantly. He has to know that this is only temporary, and that he _will_ be pawned back off, that he _will_ be thrown out on his own. Tommy has to be sure that he remembers that, that he doesn't let himself fall into a false sense of security. But for now, he thinks, he can enjoy it. He can enjoy pretending for just a little, for just a few hours. "What, you think I'd leave you all alone out there?" 

Tubbo laughs, tilting his head back when he does. "Nah, I was just wondering, since I hadn't seen you all day. D'ya think I could come over tonight?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. "Just to, you know, hang out? Since you come over to my place all the time, I figured that, you know. It could be cool to visit you for once." Tommy bites down on his tongue before he can speak, forcing the words back down. He doesn't want Tubbo to come to his house, and it's because he's fucking selfish. He doesn't want Phil or his brothers to give Tubbo more attention, to decide that they like the boy with the big heart better than they like Tommy, the boy with the bandages and scars, still healing over. 

"Yeah," Tommy shrugs. "I'll just..ask Will if he's got enough room to bring you back." 

"Pog!" Tubbo grins at him, nudging him with his shoulder. "I grabbed you the salad from the cafeteria," Tubbo tells him. "I figured you'd prefer that over than the fuckin'.." Tubbo sighs. "Cardboard that they sell off as pizza." Tommy barks out a laugh, running hand through his hair. 

"Good call, big man, good call," he grins, shoving his hands in his pockets as they walk. No one gives him weird looks anymore. No one even tries to glare at him, to make him feel uncomfortable or angry or pissed. Tommy wonders if Techno and Wilbur really did beat the shit out of a bunch of his classmates. Tommy wouldn't put it past them. "Do you think I could call CPS for that shit?" Tommy asks, quirking an eyebrow. "'Cause them peddling off that shit feels like a goddamn felony. I reckon that's child abuse, what do you think?" Tubbo laughs, clapping his hands together in a way that reminds him of Wilbur. 

"I think that we could definitely sue," Tubbo grins at him. "At the very least, suing sounds like the best option. And _then_ we can file for like, child abuse, or whatever. I think that's a good plan. You know, I actually wanted to be a lawyer, so I studied for a long time, but I really don't know anymore," Tubbo admits. "I think that it would be cool, but I'm not sure. 'Cause people's lives are in your hands, you know? And if you got assigned to a case where someone murdered someone, and it was super obvious, but _you_ had to defend that killer, I.." he trails off. "Morals are weird, aren't they?"

Tommy shrugs. He had never thought of it like that. He had never thought of a lot of things like that until he met Tubbo. "I guess so, yeah," he agrees. "Can't you just..opt out of those cases? You don't have to take every job that's given to you."

"No," Tubbo agrees. "But it's money. And that's why a lot of people get away with things, you know? 'Cause they're rich, 'cause they can just..buy their way out of the things that they do. People are desperate for money, and it's the reason why murderers and abusers get off scot-free. A lot of people need the money for their families, which is less bad, but a lot of other people just want to have it to have it, you know? It sucks. That's why I think I stopped." Tommy nods along with the words, frowning when he realises how similar they sound to something Phil has told him before. 

_"It isn't even because you're a problem child, or whatever the fuck they called you. It's because you were put into homes where people wanted to use you. People wanted to use you as a reason they should gain fame, a reason to show that they're good people. People adopt children to flex them off, to show that they're good people, that they're martyrs, offering up their homes for troubled kids. It's fuckin' bullshit, Tommy. None of that shit was on you, you weren't the problem. People do so much for money, it's disgusting. They'll ruin other people's lives just to better their own, and I hate it."_

Tommy looks away, the words hitting too close to his chest, the memory making his heart hurt. "Yeah," he agrees. "But you can also make a really big difference, right? You can help people win. You could give a lot of rest to families who've gotten the shitty end of the stick for years on end, right? That's the good part, the helping people part. I mean," he shrugs, looking down at his feet. "That's it for me. Helping people is nice, if that..makes sense." 

"Oh, yeah, for sure," Tubbo nods. "That's why I wanted to do it, originally. But the more you look into it, the worse it gets, and it's just.." Tubbo sighs. "I don't know. I think I might still do it, but it isn't my priority right now. Anyways," he shoves the door open, holding it open for Tommy. "I bought you a coke. Figured that you haven't had enough sugar intake for the day." Tommy tilts his head back, laughing a little harder than he thinks that he should. 

"You're a real one, Big T," he grins. "I'll get you something tomorrow, promise." 

Tubbo waves a hand, sitting down on the concrete. "Nah, you don't have to. I didn't do it 'cause I wanted you to buy me something back. I just wanted to give you something, since we're friends," Tubbo smiles at him. "Don't worry about paying me back, Tommy. Here," he shrugs his backpack off of his shoulders, setting it on the ground. Tommy sits next to him, confused and not entirely sure if Tubbo is being genuine. "Salad and a coke, also," Tubbo holds up a candybar, grinning. "Chocolate, for your troubles." 

"My troubles," Tommy repeats. "What are my..troubles?" Tubbo shrugs, sliding Tommy's food to him. 

"I think that you know," Tubbo smiles. "Anyways," he pulls out his own salad, yawning. "Do you think that I can speedrun our English project in, uh.." he grins. "Ten minutes?"

Tommy stares at him, a grin stretching across his face. "You're a fucking prick, you know that?"

Tubbo grins right back at him. "Love you too, Tommy." Tommy can't help but smile a little more. 

Things really aren't all that bad, are they?

* * *

 **[me:]** will  
 **[me:]** will  
 **[me:]** WILBUR SOOT

 **[BIG W:]** what do you want from me, CHILD

 **[me:]** tubbo wants to come home  
 **[me:]** is phil ok with that?

 **[BIG W:]** yes

 **[me:]** i didn't want him to  
 **[me:]** how do you like  
 **[me:]** deal with schlatt and niki being there all the time  
 **[me:]** aren't you afraid that phil will like them more?

 **[BIG W:]** i used to be   
**[BIG W:]** but then i made myself stop thinking about it   
**[BIG W:]** phil would never do anything like that to any of us  
 **[BIG W:]** i promise

 **[me:]** that doesn't make me feel better

 **[BIG W:]** i know  
 **[BIG W:]** just believe me on this tommy  
 **[BIG W:]** i've never lied to you before

 **[me:]** i know that  
 **[me:]** i'm just scared  
 **[me:]** i don't like being afraid will

 **[BIG W:]** neither do i  
 **[BIG W:]** but sometimes we get scared, and that's okay. no one can be 100% tough forever, tommy. phil isn't going to replace you with your friend. he loves you too much for that to even cross his mind as a joke. we all love you. i love you, tommy. (you don't have to say it back. i know it's not easy to say)

 **[me:]** thanks will  
 **[me:]** i love you too  
 **[me:]** (i wanted to say it back)

* * *

It's another sleepless night. 

Tommy lays in his bed, listening to Tubbo snore softly on the ground beside him. No matter how many times Tommy told him that he'd take the floor, Tubbo was insistent. Tommy watches the stupid glow in the dark stars twinkle on his ceiling, smiling at the faint green glow they give off. He used to hate them, Tommy remembers how badly he hated them. He wanted to rip them off of his ceiling, he wanted to burn them. 

But now, he thinks, he wouldn't trade them for anything. Wilbur put them up there, why would he want to get rid of them? Tommy smiles a little, his hands behind his head as he stares up at his ceiling. Wilbur was right, he thinks. Phil didn't make and jokes or comments about liking Tubbo more than he did his own "son", and Tommy feels like he should've known that Phil wouldn't have done anything like that. But reassurance used to be so rare to him, and Tommy can't help but crave it now that he's got an unlimited supply. 

He thinks that he should be more annoyed that he can't sleep, but he isn't. Tommy smiles softly, hearing Wilbur's floor creak from above him. It's their new ritual, he thinks. Wilbur always either wakes up around this time or he comes down the stairs, having already been awake, and talks to Tommy. He looks over at the time on his clock, staring at the bright red block letters.

_5:04 AM._

The time is eerily nostalgic and familiar, in the best way possible. He remembers a few months ago, where he had woken up at this time. Tommy remembers Wilbur coming into check on him. He remembers when he wasn't nearly as happy. 

Tommy smiles at Wilbur when he opens his door, poking his head in with a smile and a wave before disappearing once more. 

Things aren't perfect, he still feels like this is all one big joke that he'll be the punchline for. But things are looking better, they're getting better. 

Tommy smiles at his stars, feeling happier than he has in a long, long time. 

Things are okay now. Everything is finally starting to work for him. 

Tommy is finally home. 


End file.
